Misa-Misa and her Serial-Killing Businessmen
by 1nsertWittyUsernameHere
Summary: After convincing Misa of Light's true nature when she has the chance, Rem is horrified that her favourite human is determined to be with another Kira, whoever they are! There has never been a Shinigami matchmaker, but there's a first time for everything…
1. Chapter 1

A/N So this is going to be a source of procrastination for me this holiday XD. I like the Yotsuba group and I don't think there's enough fanfiction directly involving them, so here we are. Please enjoy :)

(Also, Misa deserved better than Light)

I already have the first 2 and a bit chapters written (possible changes withstanding XD), so there might be a bigger delay between those and later chapters. Either way, please don't expect regular updates at **any** point :)

Disclaimer: Death Note was created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, not me. I don't own Death Note and I don't make any profit from writing this.

* * *

Rem hesitated, scrap of death note in her hand and considered. She didn't trust the Yotsuba group members around Misa – least of all the current owner of the notebook. Misa was in grave danger… but then, ever since she got herself involved in the Kira case she had been. The Kira case… An idea struck Rem.

If Misa was here, there was a good chance it was at Light Yagami's will. And she knew that Light's plan involved him giving up, then regaining his memories by catching the current Kira. There was no doubt that Misa would attempt to be near Light and help him - it was second nature to the model by this point, the Shinigami thought. Which probably meant Misa was here as part of the investigation! This very, very dangerous investigation... Any sympathy Rem had developed for the teen dissipated. Even without his homicidal tendencies, he still disregarded Misa's welfare and put her in danger.

She couldn't deny it – underneath all her efforts to like Misa's 'boyfriend', (for the model's sake, of course), she absolutely could not tolerate Light Yagami. Now, she realised, was not the time to discuss the Yotsuba Kira. It was to discuss the root of the problem - Light! Light had always been and would always be a far greater threat to the model's well-being than all the corrupt businesspeople in the world. Perhaps, with some of her memories gone, and without the stress of evading capture for mass murder on her shoulders, Misa would listen. And, she hoped, remove herself from this deadly game.

And then… Rem felt a twinge of happiness, and then she could give Light Yagami what was coming to him. With Misa out of the picture, Rem had no reason to go along with his plans, and she had no intention to.

* * *

Misa leaned over the basin, exhausted from the interview. When she was suddenly grabbed from behind by a monster over twice her height, she was almost too tired to realise it wasn't a dream and to try to cry out. Rem hastily calmed the panicking second Kira, and Misa hesitantly backed against the sink.

"W-what are you?" she spluttered, "Why are you talking to me?" Rem steeled herself. Here goes nothing.

"A Shinigami. I posses the instruments of death that the Kiras use, and only those who have touched one can see me," Rem replied, holding up one hand slowly as Misa began to speak, staring quizzically at the scrap of paper the Shinigami was holding, "but right now, that is not important. Misa, you are in terrible danger. There is someone manipulating you and using you." Misa tensed.

"Who?!" Here goes nothing.

"Your boyfr…" Rem hesitated, "Light Yagami." Misa froze, and then began to shake her head.

"No, Light would never do that to me," she scowled, "Light is my boyfriend and he loves me! And I love him and we are happy." Wonderful, now she was angry. Rem pressed forwards anyway. She needed to do this, for Misa's own sake.

"Misa, we both know that is false. Light cares for you little as he cares for those he killed."

"Killed? Then-"

"Yes." Rem didn't see any point in denying it. If it didn't come out now, it would undoubtedly make a mess later. "You are, or were, the second Kira. And you found him, the first, and confronted him, offered him everything."

"I did?" Misa's eyes were glistening. Rem frowned in response to her expression, and continued.

"What you got in return was callousness and cheap tricks to use you and your power," she said sharply, "He never loved you and he never will. He sees you as an idiot to manipulate and control. He sees you as _dispensable_. He threatened to _kill_ you, Misa."

Misa looked considerably less happy now. Rem felt cruel inflicting this on Misa, but at least she knew that she was getting her message to the model. Misa put her hands over her face, and the Shinigami could hear a quiet sob, before she started upwards.

"How do I know you're telling the truth?!" she snapped, "You could be a stalker trying to persuade me to trust you…" She clearly didn't believe what she was saying and her voice trailed off, weeping taking over her words. Rem knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder.

"Misa, I know that you know he is capable of that. We've both seen the way he treats you, he doesn't respect you and you know it."

Misa hung her head, and Rem felt the familiar pang of sympathy that she had felt so many times during her interactions with the young woman. She knelt down to Misa's eye level and put what she hoped was a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Please, Misa. For your own sake, end this torment you are putting yourself through. There are plenty of good men out there."

"But I want _Light_ to be a good man, especially if he's Kira! Kira killed the man who killed my parents, I would do anything to support that cause! I want to rule the world with Kira!"

"He never will be, Misa," said Rem, "and if you stay you will only be hurt further. The only reason you cared about him was because he is, or was, Kira."

"It was?" she paused. She didn't want to admit it openly, but that made an awful lot of sense. She was uncannily sure that there was truth in what she was being told, filling not only some gaps in her reasoning she hadn't even realised were missing, but the very nature of the love she felt for her boyfriend, even as he ignored her and treated her like, well, an annoyance. Rem was filled with joy. She was getting through! Now, for the final blow, and Misa would be safe…

"In addition, he is no longer Kira, and that is the only reason you yourself liked him. There is another Kira right now-" Misa jerked upwards instantly.

"He isn't? There is?!" her eyes were filled with a strange expression that Rem could not quite place – she wasn't sure if it was good or bad. "Ryuuzaki thinks one of those guys from Yotsuba is Kira. I bet he's right, he's really smart." She gazed into space, dreams obviously circling around her head. "I hope it's one of the cute ones…" Bad. It was bad.

"Um…" she paused, "I am unfamiliar with human definitions of attractiveness…" wait, what was she doing? This should _not_ be tolerated. Her plan was to get Misa out of trouble, not into more! "Misa, the Yotsuba group are disgusting people. They kill others for profit." She stared imploringly at her. Misa didn't look back at the Shinigami, but rested her head on her hand thoughtfully.

"Well, once he's fallen in love with me I'll get him to stop and only kill bad people."

"Misa, you don't know this man. I do. That is," she grimaced, "from what I know of him, it is very, very unlikely that these murders will stop."

"B-but those guys were nice to Misa!" the model said defensively. "They were _interested_ in me! That's more than Light ever managed. I can make this new Kira fall in love with me in no time. If love can make me endure 50 days in a straightjacket, it can make a businessman stop murdering innocent people!" she grinned, and Rem recognised her expression. It was the same expression she wore before sending those tapes to Sakura TV. And the one before she left for Light Yagami's house on that night Rem would never forget.

"That is true," Rem replied, choosing her words carefully, "but I am sure there are plenty of other men that would be willing to do the same."

"Mmmmm, but those men aren't Kira!" Misa said excitedly. Her moroseness gone, she had stood up and turned to the mirror, rummaging in her bag for what Rem assumed was makeup, "Thankyou so much, Shinigami. Soon, I'm going to be not only with Kira, but a Kira who loves me back." She let out a girlish squeal and leaned closer to the mirror, beautifying her face with experienced hands.

"Misa, please…" Rem implored, but Misa was having none of it. Misa hummed happily for a few seconds, as she replaced the mascara in her hand with lipgloss.

"I'm so happy," she put her makeup away and spun around to face Rem again, her face beaming. "I could hug you so much right now!" As she awkwardly wrapped her arms around Rem's skeletal figure, Rem pondered how weird it would look to an outside observer to see the famous model embracing thin air. But back to the case at hand.

"The new Kira is a vile and repulsive person. You could do much better than someone like him-"

"Ooh, that reminds me," said Misa, straightening up, "can you tell me which one he is? It would save me some time." She hugged her bag a little closer, "I want to spend as much of my life as possible with Kira!" Rem also stood up.

"I could hint," she said carefully, "but I will not. I am strongly opposed to you engaging with this man. He wouldn't…" she hesitated, "… actually he would probably treat you better than Light…" not that that means much, she thought, "but there are far better people you could be with. I," she was desperate now, "I could even help you find one myself." Misa shook her head, and Rem sagged her shoulders in defeat.

"Well, I already found Kira before," the model said cheerfully, a little disappointed but unfazed in her characteristic way. "And besides," she winked, "you've already admitted he's one of those group members." Rem could only look on in horror. "There's only seven, and Ryuuzaki and Light already want me to investigate them! I'll find him in no time."

And with that, she was gone. Rem was still in shock as she drifted out of the bathroom. That could have gone a lot better. Actually, knowing Misa, perhaps it couldn't have… But dwelling on the past wasn't going to change the situation she was in now. She couldn't say she cared for Higuchi. Anyone would be better than _Higuchi_ of all people!

She shuddered as a man walked straight through her, breaking her train of thought. She recognised him – another participant in the dreaded Friday night meetings. Even without reading his name, she recognised him as Takahashi, the one who put less effort into his words than Higuchi did to self-improvement. He was irritating, to say the least. Never mind how he hit on all those models at that party despite being married. Or the fact he was twice Misa's age.

Okay, maybe not _anyone_ would be better than Higuchi.

Further action was required. Clearly, Misa's happiness was going to need more direct intervention than Rem had previously thought.

* * *

The rest of the interview was uneventful, but Misa returned to the task force headquarters with renewed vigour (and minus several business cards with her private number and email, she smirked. Naturally, she had asked them ever-so-sweetly, with a wink, to pass them on to those members not present, if they wanted a 'private correspondence'). The Shinigami was right, she did deserve better than Light. And that was exactly what she was going to tell him.

Matsuda greeted her first. Misa had to admit, she had a soft spot for the scatterbrained cop. She couldn't help but smile affectionately at him as he scurried around her, like a mother hen around one of her chicks. Naturally, when she glanced over at Light, he wasn't even looking at her. Well, it was now or never.

"Light-" she started to say, but the teen cut her off.

"Misa," he said, standing up from his chair, "back here we've been talking, and, well, I don't think it's okay to put you through this." He held out a hand sympathetically, "I appreciate how far you've gone to help me, but I can't agree with putting you in this much danger."

Normally, Misa would have been touched, but now she saw it in a different light. What give him the right to decide what was 'dangerous enough' for her? _Controlling_. The Shinigami's words came back to her. _Manipulative_.

"Oh? Well what if I want to do this?" she snapped, "I'm an adult, I think I'm more than capable of making my own decisions." Light looked surprised.

"Misa, this is for your sake. We appreciate your contribution, but we don't need you to help us anymore. _I_ don't need you to help us anymore." This was her chance. Misa stood a little taller and tossed some hair off her face.

"Well," she said haughtily, "Misa doesn't need _you_ anymore." There was silence in the control room.

"I-, but-" the teenager was speechless.

As Light stared at her, the meaning of her words sinking in, Misa turned to the man her now-ex boyfriend was handcuffed to. "Misa can help with the investigation if she wants, can't she, Ryuuzaki?" She glared at the detective, who gulped at her uncharacteristically intimidating gaze yet looked oddly pleased.

"Well if Amane-san is insistent, then perhaps we could reconsider…"

"What?" Light interrupted, "Ryuuzaki, you can't be serious, she could be killed!"

"We based our discussions while operating under the assumption that Amane-san was only helping with the investigation due to her desire to help Light-kun. Now, I assume this is no longer the case?" he looked at Misa, who shook her head vehemently.

"No! Investigating the Yotsuba group members has shown me Kira's true nature. All Kira cares about profit, not making the world a better place! Misa wants to catch Kira and bring him to justice, even if it kills her!" The detective did not look convinced. Soichiro Yagami and the other task force members, however, looked sold. Light appeared lost in thought.

"But… This is a pretty drastic change of opinion, Amane-san," L said, raising an eyebrow suspiciously, Misa huffed and shook her head.

"I can support Kira killing criminals," she said defiantly, "but this is different! His actions are disgusting and immoral, I could never support someone like him!" To her glee, Ryuuzaki seemed to, albeit dubiously, believe her lie. She was an actress, after all, and it was obvious he didn't think highly of her beloved Kira. Whoever he was.

"Well then, if there are no other objections," Ryuuzaki said, "I propose that Amane-san join the investigation team until we achieve our goals with Yotsuba. I suspect that her social and acting skills will be invaluable as we proceed with the original plan. However, due to her… affiliation with the previous Kiras, this will only remain until this Kira is captured." There was silence. Satisfied, Ryuuzaki turned to Misa, "Now that's settled, I must ask you and Light-kun to remain professional around each other. I assure, you, Amane-san, that any unnecessary _drama_ will not be tolerated when coming from a member of our task force."

"Oh, of course," grinned Misa, her happiness glowing triumphantly thorough her expression, "Misa takes her jobs very seriously!" And with that, she was gone.

"…" Light could only stare after his ex-girlfriend in shock. Ryuuzaki turned to him, and Light was sure he saw a hint of a smirk on the detective's face.

"It was only a matter of time, Light-kun."

"Shut up, Ryuuzaki."

* * *

A/N Oh Misa… Rem is going to have quite the job on her hands XD

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed and please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Hello again : ). Thanks to everyone who read and the reviewers :D, here is chapter 2.

 **Disclaimer:** See chapter 1

* * *

What Shinigami has ever worried about not finding a suitable partner for their favourite human? What Shinigami even _has_ a favourite human? Why was she so stupid as to ever get involved with Misa Amane's life in the first place? Rem couldn't help but ask herself these questions, and more, as she drifted aimlessly through Higuchi's massive house. She believed this was his third property.

She counted her options. One – meet with Misa again somehow and attempt to convince her that the Yotsuba Kira was not good husband material, and then find her some other man. Rem vaguely recalled seeing her on a magazine cover with some actor, promoting their latest film. He would do. Or she could even try to find someone within the investigation team, who she was sure Misa was in contact with. Misa would find a dreamy police officer attractive… right?

Two – create a second Yotsuba Kira amongst the seven, and allow Misa to discover and fall head over heels for that one. She would probably have to force Higuchi to relinquish his ownership, but with a few death threats she doubted it would be too difficult. She would at least get _some_ say in Misa's romantic future… but as she had said to the woman herself, she could do better. Much better. However, Misa would definitely go ahead with plan two – plan one would be difficult, bordering on impossible. Misa was incredibly stubborn, and, dreamy police officers and actors aside, her current 'type' seemed to be serial killers. There was no guarantee she would even consider someone who wasn't her precious Kira.

Option three, allowing Misa to date, or _marry,_ Higuchi (Rem shuddered a little), was not even going to be counted, Rem decided.

There was a crash from behind her. She turned around, just in time to see the businessman she had been thinking about wander into the corridor, sheepishly attempting to cover up the vase he had just knocked onto the floor in his dazed state. Probably a classic piece.

"Oh, Rem," he said groggily, rubbing sleep from his eyes, "why are you still awake?"

"Shinigami don't need to sleep," Rem said matter-of-factly. She spotted the rectangular object he had under his arm, "why do you have your laptop?" Higuchi grinned and opened it up.

"Oh, I was just working on an email to Misa-Misa. She must not have seen my texts, so I'm going to try plan B."

"Email… Misa?" Rem said slowly, her eye widening. Higuchi laughed.

"Why of course! Did you see her, Rem?" he asked, "She's gorgeous and famous! Who wouldn't want to take her out? I want to get in there before all the other guys from the office go creeping all over her and freak her out."

"No," Rem said. Higuchi paused.

"Hm?" Rem had frozen. She hadn't even realised she had spoken out loud. This was happening way too fast! Higuchi could not be allowed to get in contact with Misa; what if she found out about his… Kira-ness… before Rem was able to rearrange things? She had to put a stop to this.

"I said no," she said coldly, "delete that draft right now." Higuchi looked puzzled.

"Why?" he said, a hint of defensiveness in his voice.

"Because…" Rem didn't have a good excuse – one she was willing to tell _him_ anyway, "Because I say so." Higuchi put the laptop down in the vacant space previously occupied by the vase and folded his arms.

"That isn't a reason," he said, equally coldly, "and since when did you care about what I did, besides killing criminals? I thought that was your only condition."

"It was until now," said Rem, staring down at the man, "stay away from Misa Amane." Higuchi threw his arms up in irritation, coming dangerously close to knocking another ornament to its doom.

"So death notes come with a 'no-dating' rule now, do they?" he said, trying to keep the anger out of his voice, "you didn't seem to care that time I hit on Mido's secretary-"

"-and Kida's, and Shimura's, and probably your own if he were a woman– " Rem interjected slowly, a strongly disapproving tone to her voice.

" –but now I could stand a chance with a supermodel," the businessman groaned, "suddenly you care about my relationship status." He glared at her pointedly.

"… Well," Rem said slowly, as the awkwardness stretched out between them, "relating to Misa Amane, at least." She turned and drifted off down the hallway, leaving the irritated Higuchi to shut down the laptop (she was certain he knew better than to send the email now) and retreat to his bedroom. Perhaps she would go to the kitchen to see if the Yotsuba employee had any of those apples that Ryuk liked. If they were as good as the other Shinigami said they were, she felt like she needed one after all she'd dealt with today.

She paused as she entered the kitchen, noticing something. There was still one more thing she could do. She hated to inflict such a thing on Misa, but she grabbed Higuchi's phone from the counter and flipped it open, making sure to delete the text from his record of the conversation after she sent it. From all the other messages he had sent her, she noticed with horror (humans were such _disgusting_ creatures), this one would only be slightly out of place…

* * *

Misa woke up the next morning with a new sense of purpose. And 15 missed calls, texts and emails. She turned on her laptop, then flipped open her phone and began to scroll. Who was it going to be today?

 _I loved how passionate and dedicated you were at the interview yesterday. Would you to meet up for a drink some time?_ That seemed nice enough. He would go at the top of her investigation list, she reckoned. She didn't want to waste her time on frivolous side-liners while looking for Kira, but if she had to, she would take the pleasant ones first. Noticing her email had loaded, she opened the first one in her inbox.

 _Hello. I have been informed that you have been hired on as our new spokesperson. I would be interested in meeting you privately for an informal chat about the role._ Suuuure he would. Oh Kira-kun, don't lie to your precious Misa, she giggled to herself. But maybe he was just going an extra step to hide himself, she thought. He would go near the top as well.

 _Hello Misa,_ the second email began, _I can tell that we made the right decision to hire you already. If you're free sometime, maybe we could pick up where we left off at the interview._ Misa frowned. She remembered this guy being a little too enthusiastic after she had made a joke about Kira's weapon, in an attempt to lighten the mood (it had diverged, again, to what L had questioned her about). Around the middle, I guess, Misa thought. If he is Kira, maybe he wanted to hear her thoughts about him… But he was honestly so intimidating that she hoped he wasn't the object of her goals.

 _I know that given our relative positions and how we came to be as such, I can understand if you are hesitant to pursue a life with me as a part of it. But I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make you happy. Please, give me one chance to make your damaged world right, and I will take it and raise you so far up, that all we see around us are the stars._ Misa gasped. He must have stolen that straight out of a romance novel!

No, really – that one was Misa's favourite. An actress becomes stuck in debt after being deceived into signing a contract with a director (who then offers to set her free if she marries him – yuck!)Then she meets a daring (and handsome) police inspector, and they try everything they can to get her out of it, cumulating in the director resigning himself to spend the rest of his life alone and unloved as he realises he can never hope to have her. She remembers cackling happily as the actress walked away with her beau, without a backwards glance. She might read it again soon. Except most of her stuff was back at her flat… Maybe she could persuade Watari to order it for her. Meanwhile, that businessman was going near the bottom of her list.

 _Hi Misa. I didn't get to say it at the party, but you really do have beautiful eyes. My wife is an optician and I was wondering if you would be interested in modelling some of the latest frames at her firm? You would be paid, of course._ Misa pouted. She hoped this man wasn't Kira. She didn't want to have to break up a marriage.

Although… she would if she had to. Absent-mindedly, she began planning how best to murder this wife of his. She doubted Rem would kill the woman for her, but perhaps she could coerce her into helping… Maybe she could get hold of one of those rings with poison in it! Shinigami are invisible to most people, so Rem could just take one from a police station, Misa thought. If they were real. She wasn't sure.

But she was getting ahead of herself, Misa thought. This one would go around the middle.

She looked back at her phone. Of course, there was a bunch of extremely persistent texts from one number, becoming progressively more explicit (she cringed slightly), culminating in the very classy;

 _You are so hot and sexy. I can't stop thinking about you. Pick any page of Playboy and we can do all that and more, then throw the book at the wall and go at it like rabbits. I want to -_

She stopped reading there. _That_ businessman would be last on her list.

* * *

It was 7:30am. Rem glided into the kitchen again just in time to see her second least favourite human putting down a bottle of wine (yes, she had taken to ranking them – Higuchi's work meetings were some of the most boring things she had ever witnessed). A medium-sized glass half-filled with the red liquid sat beside him. The microwave was counting down, probably heating up some sort of ready meal. Not ready to deal with the irate businessman, she immediately turned to leave, but Higuchi had already spotted her.

"Hello Rem," he said cordially. Rem stared at the human in return, while annoyed at herself for not being quicker to retreat. Well, she supposed she would have to interact with him at some point to get what she wanted.

"Is this what humans usually have for breakfast?" she asked, trying to make conversation, looking at his glass curiously. Misa had always been one to skip the first meal of the day, eager to get to her latest photo shoot. Higuchi leaned on the counter and took a heavy gulp from the bottle, before taking the glass and sitting down at the table, scowling.

"You're being awfully friendly for someone who thrusts the responsibility of Kira onto people and doesn't even let them date." So he was still upset about that.

"I did not thrust it on you, you accepted it," Rem replied, slightly defensively. Quite enthusiastically actually, she noted to herself. "And like I said, I only care if you try to date Misa. I will not prevent you engaging with anyone else." Higuchi frowned.

"But _she_ is who I want to date," he snapped, "how many other people like her do you think I have a chance with, Rem?" He stood up and spread out his arms, "I mean, look at me! All I have going for me is money and being a serial killer. I don't have style, or charm, or status," he winced slightly, "All the options I have, realistically, are shameless gold diggers and fanatical Kira supporters. I just got lucky that she fell into the latter! How does that make you feel?"

"… Unsurprised."

"You're not helping! Amane worships Kira, she would be thrilled to be with me." The businessman retrieved his food from the microwave and grabbed a fork, stabbing at the meal as if it were one of his least favourite co-workers. Rem had learned he had several.

"Perhaps if you improved yourself, other people would be too," said Rem distantly, pausing slightly while trying to work out the best way to phrase her 'request', "also, I need something else from you." Higuchi sighed and took another swig of wine.

" _Perhaps_? You sure are optimistic. Do you have a vendetta against my love life?" he grunted, "And what is it?" Rem opened his laptop and typed an address into the first maps website she found. She remembered where the task force headquarters were, having been privy (despite L's knowledge) to his conversations with Watari regarding their new base of operations. If she got Higuchi close enough to it - of course, she hadn't typed in the exact location - she was free to go inside and talk to Misa again. She smiled. Plan one was launched!

"Take me here." There was silence. Higuchi grumbled what sounded like a disgruntled agreement, and continued to eat, taking occasional gulps from his wine. Rem stared at him expectantly. Eventually, the man looked up.

"What, now? I can't drive after all this wine."

"Then how were you planning on getting to work?" Rem asked. Higuchi frowned.

"Uuuuh…" came the reply. Rem thought that maybe she had given the businessman too much credit for forward thinking.

* * *

A/N: TL;DR Higuchi, no. Bad.

If you feel like it, try to guess which Yotsuba member sent which message (and who didn't send one at all ;) ) – I did make each one specifically XD. I'll admit, some of them are obvious if you read the character profiles...

Also Rem's second confrontation with Misa is going to be quite different from the first, don't worry I'm not going to pull a copy-paste on you XD

Please review :)


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